The 2 most common elements in the universe are
hydrogen and stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill.
Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to
serve as a warning to others.
The average woman would rather have beauty than
brains, because the average man can see better than
he can think.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell
and make you feel happy to be on your way.
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits
the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Top 7 absolutely, positively ridiculous host
names.. and yes, they all really exist...
7. dam.mit.edu
6. monarch.butterfly.net
5. my-hostname-is-longer-than-yours.mit.edu
4. dislocated.hip.berkeley.edu
3. ohsaycan.ucc.american.edu
2. huh_huh.fire.com
1. vo.mit.edu
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The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977,
are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried
to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Such
instances of faulty writing serve to confirm that incompetency can
be highly entertaining.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a
tree I don't have.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and
had an accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As
I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and
I did not see the other car.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place
where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid
the accident.
I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found
that I had a fractured skull.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with
a big mouth.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put
my head through it.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before
I hit him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law,
and headed over the embankment.
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